


Ivar the Phoneless

by grayspider1974



Series: Ivar's World [6]
Category: IT (2017), Vikings - Fandom
Genre: Other, pokes fun at the Saarsgard family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 11:16:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayspider1974/pseuds/grayspider1974
Summary: In which Ivar loses his cell phone and Hvitserk has to retrieve it from a demented sewer clown





	Ivar the Phoneless

Ivar crawled through the sodden leaves, used condoms and other miscellaneous muck in the gutter, snarling and cursing under his breath. "Where is it? Where is it?" he muttered, fully aware of the fact that he sounded like Gollum. He spotted his phone just as it disappeared down the storm drain. "Sheiss!""He peered into the darkness and a strange clown with cherry-red hair peered back at him.  
"Hey kid!" said the clown "Want a balloon?"  
"No but I would very much like my phone back" said Ivar. "It's floating right next to you!"  
The clown grinned, baring needle like teeth. "Down here everything floats..."  
"Just give me back my phone, asshole!"  
The clown grinned and chuckled but did nothing until Hvitserk squatted down beside his brother.  
"There's a clown down in the sewer and he won't give me back my phone!" Ivar said.  
Hvitserk chortled, peering into the darkness. "Why hello there, Pennywise! Floki says he has not seen you in months...what are you doing in the sewer dressed as a clown?"  
"It's my job," said Pennywise. "I haven't been doing so well since I came to America so I spend most of my time down here collecting stuff. You would not believe the stuff I find down here, and it all floats. I got some expensive habits...these big, floppy shoes cost a lot and my dental bills don't pay themselves." Pennywise exposed his nightmarish teeth in a rueful grin, and he fished Ivar's phone out of the muck. "I'll give it back to you for a tenner."  
"That sounds fair," said Hvitserk. He pulled a ten dollar bill from his pocket but instead of handing him the phone Pennywise chomped down on Hvitserk's hand, growling and worrying at it like a pit bull terrier. Hvitserk screamed while Ivar slashed at Pennywise's face with the box cutter he kept in his backpack until his brother managed to pull his hand away. He scowled when he realized that the skin was torn in a few places.  
"Crazy ass sewer clown!" he snapped. "I'm gonna need a tetanus shot!"  
Pennywise cackled as a rat paddled by riding a slice of pizza like it was a canoe. 'I'm a Saarsgard brother, whattaya expect? Like a lot of Swedes we're batshit crazy from generations of alcoholism and inbreeding...it's why the Finns hate the Swedes." Pennywise honked his nose twice and disappeared into the shadows, cackling madly.  
"Well you know you've got a problem if even the Finns think you're crazy!" said Ivar.


End file.
